this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
