White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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