i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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