Redeem this text for a blowjob
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
