Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
