dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
