If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
