I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
