Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
