Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
