i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
