I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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