I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
