Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
