There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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