capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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