so that wasnt chicken after all
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
