he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
