Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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