I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
