i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
