Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
