He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
