So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
