"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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