my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
