areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
