All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
