you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
