Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
