Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
