Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
