This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
