Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
