Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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