When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
