once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
