Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found the puke drawer
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
