When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
