I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
