The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
