great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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