i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
