Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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