The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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