I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
