i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
