I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
