You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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