how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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