Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
