I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Someone came in the potted fern
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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