when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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