TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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