the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
