she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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