when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
