as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
