Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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