Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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