my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
