Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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