he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
