apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
