I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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