JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
