is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
