Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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