Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
