your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
